Sunday, April 6, 2008

Funny Jokes

Marketing 101

Several friends have asked for an explanation of Marketing. Perhaps the following examples will help clear it up:

You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed." That's Direct Marketing.

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says, "She's fantastic in bed." That's Advertising.

You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Telemarketing.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You get up and straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, "May I?" and reach up to straighten his tie brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed." That's Brand Recognition.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You talk him into going home with your friend. That's a Sales Rep.

Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you. That's Tech Support.

You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome men in all these houses you're passing. So you climb onto the roof of one situated toward the center and shout at the top of your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!" That's Spam.

French Toast Recipes

Saturday, April 5, 2008

Funny Quotes - Insults

Don't get insulted, but is your job devoted to spreading ignorance?



Jokes

Funny Jokes

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A widow.



Quotes

Funny Quotes - Insults

She has breasts of granite and a mind like a Gruyere cheese.
- Billy Wilder (about Marilyn Monroe)



Mashed Cauliflower

Funny Quotes - Insults

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
- Abraham Lincoln



Boomers

Friday, April 4, 2008

Funny Quotes - Insults

We've been through so much together, and most of it was your fault.
- Ashleigh Brilliant



Cities

Funny Jokes

I love to read those advice columns in the newspaper. I read one this morning. It said, "Whats the worst thing a wife can get on her twenty fifth wedding anniversary?" "Morning Sickness."



Phoenix Arizona Entertainment

Funny Jokes

Some Unique Measurements for Your Amusement:

Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi

2,000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton

Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement: 1 bananosecond

Weight an evangelist carries with God: 1 billigram

Half of a large intestine: 1 semicolon

1000 aches: 1 kilohurtz

Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarsepower

1 million microphones: 1 megaphone

2000 mockingbirds: two kilomockingbirds (work on it....)

52 cards: 1 decacards

3 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital: 1 IV league

Quotes

Funny Quotes - Insults

He looked as inconspicuous as a tarantula on a slice of angel food.
- Raymond Chandler



Quotes and Sayings

Funny Quotes - Insults

I can tell you are lying. Your lips are moving.



Famous Quotes

Funny Jokes - Silly Jokes

The guy who shot Robert Kennedy, Sirhan Sirhan, goes up for parole every year. Once he even told the parole board that if Kennedy was alive today, he would speak in his favor and say let him go. What a tough break, you know? The one guy who would have supported him, and he shot him. - Paula Poundstone



Funny Jokes

Funny Quotes - Insults

The thing that terrifies me the most is that someone might hate me as much as I loathe you.



Quotes

Funny Jokes

The Whole Lot

A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read, "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned into a pillar of salt."

The son asked, "What happened to the flea?"

Famous Quotes

Funny Jokes - Silly Jokes

After 12 years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes.. He said, "No hablo ingles." - Ronnie Shakes



Quotes and Sayings

Funny Quotes - Insults

He could never see a belt without hitting below it.
- Margot Asquith



Sayings

Funny Jokes

LOVE

I was hospitalized for a few days, and my wife reported that my dog really missed me. "She spends the night at the front door, awaiting your return," she said.

"What an example of true love," I replied. "I wonder if you'd be that concerned about me?"

"Honey," my wife answered, "if you were gone overnight, and I didn't know where you were, you can be sure I'd be waiting for you at the front door."

Bikers Against Diabetes

Funny Quotes - Insults

Well, I think we ought to let him hang there. Let him twist slowly, slowly in the wind.
- John Ehrlichman



Bikers Against Diabetes

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Education Quotes

Education Quotes

Quotes About Education

If you are truly serious about preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract - teach him to deduct.

- Fran Lebowitz, Social Studies (1981)



spelling textbooks

Absurdity Quotes

It is not in the world of ideas that life is lived. Life is lived for better or worse in life, and to a man in life, his life can be no more absurd than it can be the opposite of absurd, whatever that opposite may be.

- Archibald Macleish 1892-1982, American Poet



Christmas Recipes

Famous Quotes

A good memory is one trained to forget the trivial
- Clifton Fadiman



Watermelon Lemonade
Sayings

Famous Quotes

He who is afraid to use an "I" in his writing will never make a good writer
Famous Quotes - Lin Yutang



Carrie Chapman Catt - Woman Suffrage
Funny Jokes - The mule

Science Quotes and Scientist Quotes

Science Quotes

Quotes About Science

There is not the slightest indication that nuclear energy will ever be obtainable. It would mean that the atom would have to be shattered at will.

- Albert Einstein, 1932



Chicken Recipes

Abuse Quotes

A fly may sting a stately horse and make him wince; but one is but an insect, and the other is a horse still.

- Samuel Johnson 1709-1784, British Author



Slow Cooker Recipes

Abraham Lincoln Quotes

Every man is proud of what he does well; and no man is proud of what he does not do well. With the former, his heart is in his work; and he will do twice as much of it with less fatigue. The latter performs a little imperfectly, looks at it in disgust, turns from it, and imagines himself exceedingly tired. The little he has done, comes to nothing, for want of finishing.

-- September 30, 1859 - Address before the Wisconsin State Agricultural Society

- Abraham Lincoln



Cake Recipes

Science Quotes and Scientist Quotes

Science Quotes

Quotes About Science

The Christian church, in its attitude toward science, shows the mind of a more or less enlightened man of the Thirteenth Century. It no longer believes that the earth is flat, but it is still convinced that prayer can cure after medicine fails.

- H. L. Mencken



Funny Joke of the Day

War Quotes

I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.

- Albert Einstein



Famous Quotes

War Quotes

You say it is the good cause that hallows even war? I tell you: it is the good war that hallows every cause.

- Friedrich Nietzsche, Thus Spoke Zarathustra



Famous Quotes

Famous Quotes

Be yourself and speak your mind today, though it contradicts all you have said before
- Elbert Hubbard



Diabetic Recipes
Jokes Blog

Famous Quotes

Good luck is a lazy man's estimate of a worker's success
- Unknown



Famous People
List of Homonyms